


Geist Abenteuer mit Danny und Ell

by maureen_corpse



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, One Shot, Vampire Danny, geist abenteuer, ghost ell, ghostly booty grabbin', god help me, i don't speak a lick of German, i watch a lot of Ghost Adventures, minor bodily harm, teleporting vampires because i don't care, this was written before season three and is not even a little canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:03:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maureen_corpse/pseuds/maureen_corpse
Summary: Paranormal girlfriends Ghost Ell and Vampire Danny love nothing better than to curl up on the couch together and watch the hit paranormal investigation TV showGeist Abenteuer.  So it's pretty rad when theGeist AbenteuerCrew decides to turn their EMF meters on Silas University.(There are no EMF meters in this story but any reputable TV ghost hunter has one, probably.)





	Geist Abenteuer mit Danny und Ell

1  
Really, from some angles, it was lucky that Danny had been turned into a vampire.

She wouldn’t have gotten to meet Ell if she had stayed dead.

And if she had lived and stayed human, she would have had a much, much harder time scavenging so many batteries from the forgotten trucks of deceased Zetas late in the evening. Oh, she would have gotten it done, but had she been human she might have had time to grab just one battery--maybe two--before the show started.

But now that she was a vampire, she could load batteries up in a sturdy canvas bag and be back in front of the small TV in her room with a pyramid of power artfully constructed beside the bed in a matter of minutes.

Ell was going to love it. (Ell probably already knew about it, but she was good about letting Danny feel pleased with herself when she produced sources of power.)

Danny adjusted the battery at the top of the pyramid, straightened up, and said, “Ell! Season premiere!” The season premiere was why she had gone to the trouble of getting the batteries as soon as she had the idea. It was a special occasion.

Ell was the one who had really focused on the import of the season premiere before now, but they had fallen into a routine. Danny, the creature of the night, readied everything and called for Ell, who could, and usually did, exist comfortably without regard for the human concept of time.

Danny was barely turned back to the bed before Ell appeared on it, her hand resting on the battery pyramid.

“Where did these come from, Danny?” she asked. “I think I could be solid for the whole episode, if I take it easy.”

“Trucks no one’s driving.” Danny grinned and seated herself beside Ell. Even using old car batteries to manifest, Ell still felt cold and strangely insubstantial. She was solid, to be sure, but her body wasn’t real; just an illusion she created to make them both feel better.

Before her murder, Danny might have found it strange. But now Danny herself was dead and cold. What was a ghost to a vampire?

(In this situation? Adoring girlfriend.)

Ell lifted her hand from the topmost battery and nestled closer to Danny. No matter how often this happened--to be fair, not very--Danny never got used to the sensation. Maybe she would one day, and Ell would be a comforting constant in a perpetually changing world.

Better not to think too hard about eternity on date night, though. Danny had learned that some time ago.

She gently nudged Ell with one hand and extended her arm.

“Hey, Ell, check it out,” she said in her best ghost hunter bro voice. “I’ve got the chills, dude. The hair on my arms is standing up. We’re definitely haunted.”

Ell just snorted and pulled that arm around herself. “Definitely.” She picked up the remote and turned the TV on.

Danny wouldn’t have imagined that she would come to enjoy a TV show about ghost hunters of all things, but there it was on the screen: Geist Abenteuer. Three intrepid Austrian men taking cameras into Europe’s most haunted places to try to prove the existence of ghosts. (According to Ell, they didn’t do a great job of proving anything. But, she added, in their defense, a lot of the ghosts they encountered were unimaginative slackers.)

Though they had gotten together here at ten o’clock in the evening for a reason, it was all too easy for Danny to ignore the TV in favor of focusing on Ell. Every moment with a solid, visible Ell was precious. There weren’t any reruns of her to look forward to.

On the screen before them, Zacharias Becker’s opening monologue explained that early in his life he had encountered ghosts, and now he was dedicating himself to finding evidence of the paranormal that would convince even the most hardened skeptic.

(He didn’t have that evidence yet, but he was still trying. That was what was important. And he sure didn’t have to prove anything to Danny.)

Ell recited the monologue with him, stifling giggles at every turn. Zacharias Becker was so serious about it, but even Ell, who honestly loved the show with or without her girlfriend there, couldn’t keep a straight face.

Danny laughed, more at Ell than at the words, though they didn’t have a lot going for them, either. “Zacharias Becker is not a gifted writer.” She smiled and shook her head.

“Hush,” Ell said. “You haven’t even read his books.”

“Have you?” Danny asked.

“I have a lot of time on my hands,” was all Ell said. “Are we going to watch or not?”

Danny mimed zipping her lips and focused on the screen. Zacharias’s writing left something to be desired, but he was so earnest in his dramatic moments that Danny still enjoyed the show. Especially if Ell watched too. Running commentary from an actual, full-time ghost made everything that happened much more interesting. She had a good eye for haunting.

And Ell’s commentary, her saying things like, “Nothing is more uninspired than mysterious footsteps upstairs,” also kept Danny’s attention where it needed to be. She hadn’t been a vampire for very long, and she was lucky she had mostly returned to herself as quickly as she had, but it was still hard.

Because Zacharias Becker, Adam Gottlieb, and Viktor Graf made themselves such easy prey. Not that they were asking for it--that was a phrase that, in Danny’s opinion, never applied unless someone actually did say, “Danny Lawrence, please eat me.” (Tragically, no one had said this to her since her murder. Vampirism was such a struggle.)

It was more that they just didn’t seem to understand the danger they could realistically be putting themselves in. They focused on ghosts and demons, entities that had to work incredibly hard to interact with the physical world, but there was a vampire watching them right now. Every week. Watching Zacharias ask Adam to go into the most haunted room in the building for a lonely EVP session. Watching Viktor stay alone in a dark room where the ghosts had repeatedly called for him. Watching Zacharias split off from the group and go outside the range of their walkie-talkies...

And vampires weren’t even the biggest potential threat to be found in Europe. How had these three survived this long?

Ell’s cool, shiver-inducing presence helped keep Danny’s mind on something other than sinking her fangs into Zacharias’s pale neck that always contrasted so nicely with his dark clothing. A gentle, tingly poke at her arm drew Danny’s attention during a lull in the haunting action, right after something stroked Zacharias’s thigh a couple of times and then declined to confirm using any available devices that it was the spirit of a woman.

“Hey. Guess what I heard today while you were out eating people?” Ell said.

(Adam laughed at Zacharias for possibly being felt up by a male ghost.)

“I haven’t eaten anyone today, thank you.”

(Zacharias insisted the hand felt feminine.)

“Good. Now guess.”

“I don’t know.” Now wholeheartedly ignoring Zacharias’s frisky ghost, Danny tightened her grip on Ell and inhaled the floral aroma that accompanied her today. This was the scent of something Ell recalled from her life over a century ago, and it rarely appeared. When it did, it most often wafted silently over Danny, comforting her when she was otherwise alone. It seemed today that Ell was going all out, thanks to the car batteries. “The Dean possessed someone else and we’ll never graduate.”

“Nothing of the sort! Listen--they’re going to film an episode of Geist Abenteuer here.”

“Really? At Silas?”

“That’s where we are, isn’t it? I’m so excited. I’m going to get to haunt Viktor Graf!”

Danny smiled. “Maybe I’ll get to eat Zacharias.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Ell cried. “I do not need my girlfriend eating someone on film!”

 

2  
Nothing was more agonizing for Ell than knowing when to expect Zacharias, Adam, and Viktor to show up. Time passed so slowly when you paid attention to it. A watched pot never boils, they say. A waited-for paranormal investigator never shows up.

But they did show up. Eventually. After more Geist Abenteuer dates with Danny, after plenty of non-Geist Abenteuer dates with Danny (their relationship was based on far more than a shared fondness for watching men tempt fate, after all), and after plenty of Ell’s own personal haunting activities.

(She liked to wander the Silas University campus and creep students out while she drained their laptop and cell phone batteries. She had a few favorite targets whose reactions were always alarmingly heartfelt, but she also did good deeds. Every once in a while a professor “misplaced” a student’s poorly written paper, and that same student got pelted with useful books in the library. Ell was truly a selfless ghost.)

Less agonizing than awaiting the Geist Abenteuer men to arrive, but still pretty agonizing, was watching them interview Danny, Laura, and Perry about the “bizarre events,” “mysterious disappearances,” and “demonic possessions” that were said to occur regularly on the campus. (Zacharias also tried to flirt with Danny. That didn’t go over well. Her only response was to stare at him more hungrily than she really should have.)

The process of getting the interview was not as snappy as the final, edited product that wound up on the television. Re-doing shots, repositioning interviewees, none of it was very engaging; and Ell had promised herself that she would leave all the guys alone until the investigation began after dark in the Dean’s apartment.

And Ell had some last-minute preparations, anyway. She had to review the apartment as if she were alive, figure out what doors she should move, decide which rooms had the best atmosphere for EVP or Spirit Box sessions (assuming Zacharias would take her bait of cold spots and chills), and consult with JP one last time about effectively approaching technology as a disembodied consciousness (their experiences weren’t identical, but he was a great help when it came to figuring out how to manipulate technology from the inside). And if she had time, she might seek out where they were stashing their spare camera batteries.

She had a full afternoon ahead of her.

While Zacharias tried and failed to flirt with Laura, who was just happy to have more cameras aimed at Silas’s weirdness, Ell said her farewells to Danny, whispering, “I’ll see you tonight,” in her ear so no one else could hear.

Danny couldn’t answer--they had agreed not to bring the ghost girlfriend thing up, lest Zacharias lose his mind--but she did shiver noticeably. She attributed the shiver to being cold, but it got Zacharias’s hopes up for some real ghost experiences later.

If only he knew.

#

Ell and Danny only had a few minutes to plan before Danny and Laura wound up in the darkened Dean’s apartment to assist during the first half of the investigation. But they only needed a few minutes. Danny trusted Ell, and Ell was a Professional Ghost. They would collaborate for a moment for the folks at home, and then the rest of the night would be up to Ell.

“Now, because the activity seems to have been centered on young women in the past, we asked Danny and Laura to come and act as trigger objects for part of our investigation,” Zacharias said to Adam’s camera. He then turned back to Danny and Laura. “You two have had experiences in this very apartment, right?”

Laura and Danny exchanged a long look. Nearly as long as Danny herself.

“Yes,” Laura pronounced slowly.

Danny nodded.

Ell wondered if this happened at every haunted venue Zacharias Becker went to. Maybe they were all thoroughly haunted, but the living and the undead and the ghosts all held back because the laundry list of supernatural events that had happened in just the past couple of years or so was simply unbelievable.

Maybe it was Ell’s job to start easing Zacharias and the Austrian people into it.

At any rate, this was her chance. Rather than give Zacharias a chance to ask Laura to expand on her experiences, Ell interrupted them by draining just enough of Adam’s camera battery to grab Danny’s backside. (Not so very long ago, Ell would have been hard-pressed to do such a thing in private, let alone on camera. But once she started to become familiar with modern technology, she’d had to learn to ignore the scandal. But really, some of the things these people did, watched, read, listened to--it all warranted a haunting from a more stiff-necked ghost.)

When Danny yelped in an embarrassingly canine fashion and jumped, probably right out of the frame, Ell added a smug laugh directly into the camera’s microphone for them to find later. (Danny had known it was coming, but Ell still felt pretty pleased with herself for surprising her. It was the little things that were really rewarding in a good haunt.)

“Whoa, whoa, what was that?” Zacharias asked. “Are you all right?”

Danny looked around sharply. Ell was invisible, of course, and nowhere to be found. Danny cleared her throat and said, “Something grabbed my butt.”

“These spirits don’t waste any time. If something’s here with us, now’s the time for an EVP session.” Zacharias grabbed a digital recorder from the collection of ghost investigation devices he had assembled, turned it on, and placed it on a table.

“Who is here with us?” he asked the room at large. “What’s your name?”

Ell quietly didn’t answer. Danny knew her name; that was what mattered.

“Why are you targeting the female students here at Silas?” Zacharias asked.

Well. If he was going to accuse Ell of infidelity, she had to respond somehow. So, into the recorder, she hissed, “One!”

(This was explaining a lot. Leaving laughter and cryptic, one-word answers on their devices was fun. No wonder the hauntings seemed underwhelming when they were being recorded. Ell had to step up her game. It wasn’t just about enjoying herself. It was also about Zacharias Becker’s dreams.)

When Zacharias asked his next question, Ell just ran her fingers through Danny’s hair--on camera, too, if she was right--before scampering incorporeally away to another room where she could cause a commotion if need be.

What she found was better than any commotion components: a large black cat lay in the darkest shadows there, perfectly still but for an occasional twitch of its tail.

“Good evening, Carmilla,” Ell said. Only to Carmilla. Even if she got careless, the microphones and cameras placed around the apartment would only pick up indecipherable mutterings. (Which Zacharias, Adam, and Viktor would treat as evidence anyway.)

Carmilla returned to her usual semi-human form and muttered, “What do you want?

Which would be excellent if a microphone picked it up. But there were none in here, so that seemed unlikely.

“I came in here to cause a ruckus. What are you doing here?” Ell asked.

Carmilla sighed. “I was asked to keep an eye on your ghost hunting idiots ‘in case it turns out there’s an eldritch horror under a trapdoor we didn’t find.’ Which...is possible.”

“Bro, do you hear that? Shh!” came Viktor’s voice from the next room.

“They’re not mine,” Ell said.

“Yours and Xena’s.” With that, Carmilla returned to her cat form and curled up under a table. Only her two gleaming yellow eyes remained visible.

Ell returned to Danny’s side, where no one was talking, and all were trying to breathe as quietly as possible so they could hear the long-gone murmurs of Ell and Carmilla’s conversation.

She stayed silent with them, until Zacharias ended the EVP session and the group moved on. Satisfied that the night had begun with enough of a bang, Ell elected to keep her haunting remote for a while. She had a lot to say during future EVP and Spirit Box sessions, but she also didn’t want to crowd out any other ghosts who might want to talk. There were other ghosts on the Silas campus, ones who didn’t interact with the living nearly as much as Ell did, but many of them audited classes, and some actively haunted when the mood struck them.

 

3  
Danny started to escort Laura away from the Dean’s apartment when Zacharias and co. decided it was time to get to the meat of the investigation.

She didn’t finish escorting Laura. Some distance away from the apartment, she left Laura’s side and, once out of sight, teleported right back.

The teleportation alone was almost enough of a thrill for her. That was fun, just leaving one place and appearing in another. Also fun: turning into a wolf. But she was not very stealthy as a wolf. Wolves were stealthy in the right environment--outside, at a distance, not hemmed in by walls and things. Here, they were a little too closed in for a good hunt. She could be sneakier on two feet that didn’t end in claws.

So Danny waited in her chosen spot under the floor and considered just what she thought she was doing here.

Stalking her prey. She could hear them all from here. Adam was waiting for the Ovilus to speak to him in one room while Zacharias and Viktor conducted an EVP session at a table where the temperature had dropped suddenly.

Her prey was Zacharias. Once he was alone, the stage would be set. It would take only a moment.

“I do not need my girlfriend eating someone on film!” Ell had cried.

She wasn’t going to eat him. She was going to teach him a brief lesson about being responsible in places like Silas. That was all. She was doing a good thing. Right?

Right.

Above her head, an investigator--Adam--ran through, calling for his bros. Something from the Ovilus must have spooked him. Danny smirked as she listened to Adam fumble through an explanation of his panic. The Ovilus had said his name and then responded to his questions with bizarre and ominous words that weren’t an obvious threat but were still pretty weird.

Plus, he had seen what looked like a pair of eyes staring right at him.

Zacharias quickly took charge. “Okay, bro. You and Viktor keep this EVP session going, and I’ll take the Spirit Box and see if I can get this spirit to talk.”

And so they split up.

And Zacharias was alone.

Once all the men were settled in their new roles, Danny made her move, teleporting into a corner of the Zacharias’s room not covered by the stationary night-vision camera set up there. They had turned out the lights in the Dean’s apartment, mostly for atmosphere on TV. Though she was invisible to others, she could see Zacharias somewhat. More importantly, she could hear the sound of blood, warm and inviting, rushing throughout his body.

Zacharias had his hand over the Spirit Box, muffling the loud, staticky sounds of the device rapidly scanning many different frequencies.

“Were you threatening Adam earlier?” he demanded loudly.

He lifted his hand. The static got louder, and no words came through. Zacharias waited several seconds before returning his hand to the box and asking his next question.

“Do you want us to leave?” he asked, removing his hand from the box once more.

Not just yet, Danny said to herself. She ran her tongue over her fangs. They were at once impressive and intrusive. She liked them better today than she did at other times.

Zacharias waited, focusing on the Spirit Box. Danny could have simply walked up to him and he would never have noticed.

She didn’t, though.

She struck.

Her hands, stronger in death than they ever had been in life, immobilized him just long enough for her fangs to pierce the skin of his neck and for a loud, clear voice to ring out of the Spirit Box: “Don’t hurt him!”

Danny had not had the presence of mind, in the face of all that isolated blood, to consider that her girlfriend did not interact with the physical world like most beings and probably knew what Danny was up to most of the time.

She poofed out of there immediately, having barely tasted any blood, and was confronted on the roof moments later by Ell, who used only her annoyance and the power of a nearby camera battery to become just visible enough to scowl.

“What was that, Danny?” she demanded.

“I wasn’t going to kill him!” Danny said. “I just wanted to--”

“Eat Zacharias Becker. I know. I was there.”

Danny could hear the commotion going on below them. Zacharias was yelling, and all were running.

“Hey, listen,” Danny said, pointing down at the building below them.

Ell held up a finger, telling Danny to wait and not to eat anyone, and disappeared.

Only seconds later, she returned and heaved a great sigh.

“He’s thrilled,” she said. “He’s taking off his shirt for the camera.”

“See?” Danny said, even though she hadn’t really been counting on this result. “It’s all working out.”

Ell rolled her eyes and shook her head. “All right, all right. You didn’t actually kill anyone, and they don’t seem too traumatized right now.”

“Right!” Danny took a seat on the edge of the roof and looked out over the campus. “So...do you want to drain all their spare batteries and hang out on the roof with me?”

Ell didn’t take much convincing. Danny listened to the guys analyze the scratches and punctures in Zacharias’s skin for a few minutes and yell frantic gratitude at the spirit that had saved him before they began exclaiming that their brand new batteries were dying.

Good old Ell. She wanted them to have their evidence.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written a good while ago for Halloween, before season three, and posted on Tumblr; and now I'm posting it here because I'm very full of myself.
> 
> Seriously, though, I hope you found it diverting.


End file.
